How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
