these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
