i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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