cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Boobs speak an international language.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
