Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
