maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
