I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You're my little dorito
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
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