There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Who died my cat blue again?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
