just survived the first fart of the relationship.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
