Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Randomize
