you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I think your dad took our porno
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
