Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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