I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Why are your pants in the freezer?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
