Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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