so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
it was like having sex with a tree stump
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
