The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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