I wish you could order shots online.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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