Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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