I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
