this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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