I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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