dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
