She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
