I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
