You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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