I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
