I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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