I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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