Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
