Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
