he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
We're too hungover to prance.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
