Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
