Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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