Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
