Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
