everyone is single if you try hard enough
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
sarcasm needs its own font
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
