it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Fuck appropriateness.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
