she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
