at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
