Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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