i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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