My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
