having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
