You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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