bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
