There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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