just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I need to stop coming to work sober
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
