too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
