So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
