dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
