i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Randomize
