So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
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